If the ferry that I just booked from the Hook Of Holland to Norwich, England sinks, someone please write an awesome, epic folk song about it. Here are a few things you can use:

• I was escaping from some debts that I managed to incur after a particularly ugly night of card playing. Shit. Too Titanic-y.
• Heading to London to start a new life, I symbolically tossed my computer and clothing overboard, leaving myself with only a pad of paper and a bible that I stole from a hotel, which naturally had been shelled out to hide my passports from different countries.
• As people looked on for words of inspiration, I quieted them with a quick flash of my hand while looking solemnly out to sea. I coughed EVER SO SLIGHTLY before quietly saying “I am never going to let you go or let you down,” making for the most inappropriate RickRolling of all time.
• I dealt with the struggles of being tall and having a big head with grace.

If it doesn’t sound like the Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald by Gordon Lightfood, then consider my cosmic energy offended and the likelihood of haunting high.